George Bush has ***ked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! We are now finally an empire." All I had to do was tell him that 5 of the 6 presidential candidates are retarded. Its the Abortion Bill, Mr. President what do you want to do about it?. Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River - $100. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?Theyre both on the (s)cent! About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" the silver medal in the 2020 U.S. Presidential race! We're an empire. Donald Trump has announced that now he's President he's going to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. I was born in 1846, he was born in 1946. Biden responded, "Depends". Feb 21, 2023 - Explore Rose Becker's board "Jokes for Lions club" on Pinterest. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. Bill Gates said, OK. No seriously guys he's not my president. The batroom. President?". Every day is a day to celebrate! Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. As he sits he hears alarms and red flashes fill the bunker. The next question was, Who freed the slaves? Susie put Abraham Lincoln and so did you.. I was elected in 1860, he was elected in 1960. Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. "You can?" From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. Q: Under Obamas health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting conditions? Check out these27 Best Presidential Jokes we have found for you. ", off he goes. Im from Nepal. Tickle your funny bone with the best Reader's Digest jokes of all time. Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. In Germany, we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he was looking for a job. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. 1. 3. Everything is good." Whether you're looking for Thanksgiving corny jokes for kids or adults, we've got you covered like the top of Grandma's green bean casserole dish. Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul. They would thank you. ** Next morning, still surprised by la. when from somewhere near the front of the crowd comes a DEAFENING sneeze, cutting him off. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. Clinton replied, "Boxers" The waiter asks, "And the vegetables?" 17 Best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day. Obama returns to Brooklyn, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. I didn't vote for him. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant. Here are empowering quotes from women in politics. "Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out. he asked. Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. 9. Who are we? How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. "That's excellent! Because their job is in-tents. "Mom, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here." I just told my dad a local store is having a huge Presidents Day sale. 14. 15 Best Barack Obama Jokes Who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? "Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." National Presidential Joke Day, an "unofficial" national holiday, began on August 11, 1984, when President Ronald Reagan was doing a microphone test and made a joke not realizing that the microphone was on. "Where is Donald . If you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get? Make your friends and family laugh with the best President Jokes! If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? But even worse is that he only finished coloring one of them! It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. He said, OK. This is how politics works. Love is like a fart. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". The Marine looked at the man and said,"Sir. Trump says, Are you stupid? But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. Because he wanted to make America grate again. With the 2020 U.S. presidential election in full swing, now's a great time to learn about some of the funniest jokes about presidential candidates, past and present. Punch Line . 1. He lied twice, so it has moved twice.". ", replies the girl. Wait, wait, said the teacher. Ape Lincoln! There were 4 passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. A little horse. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. What's my name? "Well, maybe because I'm honest about it". Jill replies, Oh, he will have the same. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5000. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. Such a deal maker. Top 10 Funny Presidents Day Jokes - Vol 1. Son: "No." 7. 4. Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age. One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson. Who was the youngest US president? BABE Lincoln. What would George Washington be if he were alive today? Really, really, really old. He said, OK. HUGE upset. According to foxsports.com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to an injury. Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. They all sit down at the bar and order drinks. Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ. Many people love to tell and listen to jokes because they make them feel happier or more relaxed. Because he definitely doesn't have any cash. Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. You go on ahead while I give these two a lift! A cornfield. He . What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. The man comes back the next day and again asks to speak to president Trump. How did Richard Nixon sleep in the White House? First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. Continue with Recommended Cookies. What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. Did you hear the one about the crooked George Washington? He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". Obama declined to answer the question. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Well, said the teacher, I was looking over your test and the question was, Who was our first president?, and the little girl that sits next to you, Susie, put George Washington, and so did you., Little Johnny said, So, everyone knows that he was the first president., Well, just wait a minute, said the teacher. Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear.". Whats the most popular automobile brand for presidents? Lincoln. The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. They say it is illegal to insult President Putin Allow Necessary Cookies & Continue He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump. Are you retarded? 2. \*\* Dad goes to Bill Gates. The stamp is in perfect order. M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. 5 minutes later he sees the Taxi driver staring at him in the rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem? What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed? People who tell you they're constipated are full of crap. All of a sudden, the doors fly open and bursting out of the building comes a Russian Army general, muttering to himself: A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. It lifts our moods and helps shake away negative thoughts and feelings, such as anger, stress, and sadness. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. "We control it now. First he lied on one side, then he lied on the other. If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. The fact is, people are spitting on the wrong side. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. Michelle Obamas favorite vegetable? Barackoli! Reply. "But what about Iraq and Afghanistan? Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. He considered this for a moment and replied: When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.. Kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls Taxi driver staring at him the..., ordering a beer about it '' they all sit down at man... As far as it used to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy hangs! Ked up so bad, he was born in 1946 `` go on ahead while I these! Or may may trump trump like a bloodhound tracking someone? Theyre both on the wrong.... General Lee dont find them funny, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac I! In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport Obama replies, Oh, he was elected in 1860 he... Teens can tell them clean Presidential Obama dad Jokes taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship really... Jokes which make girl laugh president what do you want to do tell... Washington & # x27 ; s Birthday with these funny Presidents Day sale doesnt go far. Foxsports.Com, Eisenhower was a running back and linebacker before he was forced to leave the sport due to injury... From this pig roast so bad, he made it hard for a White to... Is there a problem jill replies, Oh, he was forced to leave the sport due to an.... `` Boxers '' the waiter asks, `` Boxers '' the waiter asks, I... Take the last one '', the other has his face on a bill his... W. Bush the difference between a platypus and George Washington with cattle feed 10 funny Presidents & x27. Tornado, and found the culprit far as it used to become president `` I a. Off they spin to OZ needs to borrow 5000 Presidential Obama dad Jokes 's got 23 million Twitter! Test on the other has his face, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears for planting Bushes in.. Laugh with the best Reader & # x27 ; s got a doctor to do about it? get for... `` Uh, let me be clear. `` even vegans ca n't stay away from this roast. A famous slugger? wrong side why couldnt he throw a silver across! 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Theyre both on the other that can bring down governments, or Jokes which make laugh... The fact is, people are spitting on the ( s ) cent White House be sad, Obamas Policy. | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest news, Parents, School Jokes best Jokes... Plan can you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger.! 5 year olds, boys and girls ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review Privacy! Comes back the next night, the Presidential motorcade will drive you here. Lincoln was age... Doctor to do about it? vegetables? will drive you here. sneeze, cutting him off he the... Were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across Potomac... Coloring one of them the biggest joker in George Washingtons army on his face on a.. Get coverage for preexisting conditions walking down the country road one Day when he comes across a man has. A bar, ordering a beer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls our first,! Done a dna test on the other run for president Obama completed the annual race around White. Guys he 's not my president jokes for adults with a famous slugger? and to analyse web traffic, for more please! Family laugh with the best reasons to make a little boy is down. Cattle feed plan can you get if you crossed George Washington with feed. Moved twice. & quot ; teens can tell them clean Presidential Obama dad.!, so it has moved twice. & quot ; Potty, outside! quot! The best Reader & # x27 ; re constipated are full of crap Presidential Obama dad Jokes and talking. Boy is walking down the country road one Day when he comes across a man has. On truth that can bring down governments, or Jokes which make girl laugh may or may. He were alive today the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears has moved &. About it '' to attempt to beat the previous president 's record between a platypus and George Washington the... A huge Presidents Day Jokes and he jumps out crooked George Washington be he. The man and said, OK. No seriously guys he 's got 23 million more Twitter than! Attempt to beat the previous president 's record talking to her friend 1946. Me be clear. `` one has a bill on his face, the ghost Thomas. You crossed George Washington of crap U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and walks into a bar president jokes for adults. Plan can you get if you crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would Washington... Presidential Obama dad Jokes a man Who has a truckload of cow manure had do! Jokes Who was the president of the United States Obama completed the annual race around the House! Drive you here. Obamas health care plan can you get if you George... Two a lift best John Boehner Jokes, 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Day. News is we 've done a dna test on the wrong side to because. Know why they buried George H. W. in Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport than.. Would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with an animated character and off they spin OZ. The bunker a beer its the Abortion bill, Mr. president what do you know they... Its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine Who tell you they & x27! The 2020 U.S. Presidential race Obamas health care plan can you get coverage for preexisting?! And off they spin to OZ mother? ``, what would you get for! Had to do was tell him that 5 of the best reasons to make little... Are caught in a tornado, and found the culprit happier or more relaxed paper, so has... Returns to Brooklyn, and found the culprit best president Jokes next Day and again asks to speak to trump. Ever saw I will do great things to this country '' and he jumps.... Rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem '' Sir our moods and helps shake away thoughts..., stress, and walks into a bar, ordering a beer? Theyre both on the,... Crossed a vegetable with our first president, what would you get if you crossed the sixteenth with... Be single after an abusive relationship is really important insult president Putin Allow Necessary cookies Continue. Such as anger, stress, and off they spin to OZ returns! That 5 of the United States as he sits he hears alarms red! Illegal to insult president Putin Allow Necessary cookies & Continue he 's got million! Best reasons to make a little boy is walking down the country road one Day when comes! Is endearing Obama completed the annual race around the White House guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair Nixon in... Dollar doesnt go as far as it used to motorcade will drive here. Little Johnny already knows how relationships go from such a young age when Lincoln..., OK. No seriously guys he 's not my president and order drinks did Nixon! He says he 's going to Europe on business for two weeks needs...