Wed like you to be 22 again too. Its tough, I know if I am honest shed rather be out chugging beers with her friends or hanging out with them and their husbands than me. Be miserable forever 2. Be yourself and dont ever change. Men, if you dont want to do something DONT DO IT. In short, I need friends and he doesn't. She would be at home relaxing in front of the tv. He is very social and when I have gone to the neighborhood pub with him, he talks A LOT and with the influence of alcohol, very loud. My husband, on the other hand, is more likely to check his CNN feed than his Facebook feed, and thinks that tweeting is what birds do. It can be the first sign of an abusive partner (And it doesn't matter whether the partner is male or female). My husband doesn't want kids. It may be normal for your spouse But it isnt healthy. 20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self, 10 Big Divorce Mistakes You Really Dont Want to Make, How Does Mediation Work? Literally. Try to enjoy it. Maybe start by surrounding him or her with people they feel comfortable with. He is on the computer, phone or in front of the TV 14 hours a day. However, he reluctantly admitted that he was simply selfish. If you are married to someone antisocial, instead of working on changing your spouses behaviour, it might be more constructive to work on the way you perceive your spouse instead or, as you say, look for social situations in which your spouse would be comfortable. The truth is, you chose that person. Men should be good fathers, so we spend time with children. Or we go to see friends and you are ready to leave upon arrival. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns. There isnt anything wrong with not enjoying small talk, or shallow parties. Photograph: Troels Graugaard/Getty Images. I completely agree Phil. Your husband should want that for you and not be jealous or concerned. Same with me. That was before we had kids and before I had to deal with in-laws all the time and when I wasnt under so much stress. I could persuade him to come in but hes linger forever outside before he finally comes in. Being able to talk openly and honestly with one another builds a foundation of trust, and sets expectations well before conflicting views or ideas lead to fights. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA . Before that, she thought that hating camping was fine and acceptable, but hating socializing was a serious character flaw. If you have a positive gut reaction to the concept of a husband with multiple children AND multiple active hobbies, what is your reaction to the reality of a man spending an entire Sunday in the garage? And I also found my "father voice," the voice of discipline and reason in the family. You always seem to irritate him. My wifes career improved (which I am sure was because of the focus of her life shifting) and that helped her feel better about herself, which I think was one of the reasons she was engaging in destructive behaviour. Nevertheless, I agree that you have a responsibility as a spouse to try to meet the needs of your partner. Others prefer much smaller, tight knit groups or just a couple of best friends. Still others have many acquaintances, but dont go out of their way to cultivate deep friendships. The following traits are good signs that your husband may be a narcissist: 1. He is very loving and committed - a home bird who is happy in his own company. You can only change yourself and your own reactions. 'My husband doesn't love me. I have been married 25 years and I dont do a thing I dont WANT to do. I am the husband with no social life. It sucks I feel so left out. 22/07/2016 17:22. I also want to add that when a spouse has no friends or hobbies, the other person might feel pressurelike he/she cant leave to go do things, or they feel guilty for going out when the spouse is sitting home. Having been married to someone who was not particularly social, let me explain how I took this. Personally, I was always willing to accommodate my wife and go out to parties with her. Show him that you are cool and with-it. In fact, someone may try to convince themselves that their partner's criticism of . He is 4years older than me and just doesnt want to do anything. Im super antisocial, but I told my wife that I would go out and socialize with her (an activity that I cant stand), but then she would have to go camping with me (an activity that I like and she hates), hour for hour. Men should be successful, so we earn as much as possible. How old are the kids? Men need to support each other more because youre sure not going to get that from most partners. He wants people to think he is better than they are, and that includes you - especially you. He told me that when he was younger he enjoyed going to Disneyland by himself because he could ride whatever he wanted and go wherever he wanted. If my wife of 25 years has a problem with that she can take a hike. My family and friends are very social and gregarious folks. So, if your wife wants to go out with you one night every week or every other week, do it for HER. Sometimes people just need time for themselves to catch their breath and others need to be understanding. How do we put this behind us? Ive had to call in sick to work just to get housework and chores done (I work 50 hours a week and I work nights, I sleep during the day) and she goes out and smokes weed or drinks with her friends when she gets off work. You see, that is the crux. After youve mentally checked out of a relationship, its hard to get the feelings back again, but I do feel were getting there. This sounds like something straight out of the movie I Love You, Man and it pretty much is! We compromised on me going and doing my own thing and in return, he would do his best to slowly get to know people I felt he would enjoy once he had enough exposure. They may not want to go to many social events, because they're anxious, not because they're naturally less-sociable. Its very rare for me to come across a guy who does not have simple tastes. For example, Phil, youre right in that your wife shouldve agreed to have people over, given your level of discomfort. Frankly, none of those questions matter. Some of these spouses should realize that cheating is not the way to go and that a relationship is not based on constantly socializing with others. Terms of Services. When I would tell her what my response was to people who asked, she would get mad that I said that, because she was embarrassed about it. Over the years, just like the article said, she began going out with friends more, and even meeting other men behind my back. It is not wrong to want to go out two nights a week. YOU. We read articles about how labor should be split 50/50. Thats why I say both sides make good points. Ive seen this movie before, and it always ends the same. Shes an impulsive spender. Why should they be forced to do something they hate? Makes me laugh myself to sleep. And therein lies the problem that has kept thousands of introverts . Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. Men should be sexy, so we need to work out. No it isnt. Your husband doesn't listen to you because he feels like you nag him all the time. They might need to be made aware of what constitutes appropriate attire for social occasions or events. When the kids finally get to bed, I have no desire to get dressed up and go out with my wife, her friends and their husbands, and sit there and make small talk. I had nothing in common with them, and I found big groups meant shallow conversations, small talk and drinking and dancing. Hopefully he'll change his attitude and you'll leave with some new skills. Ugh. Leave him alone. Six hours a day. He simply says hes uncomfortable at social events particularly those that are crowded. Behind The Behavior Any time jealousy becomes an issue in a marriage, that's a big red flag that there are some underlying problems going on. I used to have the same problem, but I solved it with a compromise. Also, maybe they could choose the restauranta sports bar instead of a fancy French restaurant. Hopefully, with hard work, he'll become more and . Insecurity can also be a driving force behind obsessive codependence that need to be together all the time. I have not mention this to him because I really want to take this opportunity to improve a little, but at the same time I dont think its fair, and I dont think being introverted is a flaw or something to be fixed. After months (years sometimes), the social one is tired of begging his or her spouse to go out, so she starts going out to the parties by herself. An Introvert doesnt change into an Extrovert (unless its a temporary, necessary situation, like acting), and people should stop trying to change them. He could be self-conscious about the way he looks or the way people may perceive him on social media. The nuances that comes with being an Introvert dont need to be fixed or changed. In every marriage or relationship, there are trade-offs. Aug. 17, 2018. HE DOESNT WANT TO DO IT. She says it relaxes her. Leave him because he doesn't like hanging out with your family 3. Help him find a group he likes and encourage him to keep going, to interact with people, to be open to the idea of forming friendships. There are several reasons why your husband or boyfriend looks at other females on Instagram: He is getting ideas to spice up your sex life or to buy you some presents for your birthday, Christmas, or another special occasion. Financial issues. I worry that this will become a far greater issue when we are retired, and we find ourselves at home together all the time. What I cannot cope with are the rude, stupid, obnoxious pieces of shit that bother me and then call me a snob when they are horrible to contend with. We are completely different in terms of our social lives. So we go along with a lot we make efforts try to work in your comfort zone but in the end we are lonely and depressed and dont want to just putnon a happy face we want to be happy. No, we don't mean you should corner him in the room and start blasting him for all the times he's hurt you. If Jane wants to spend time with her friends, Joe either comes along (not an ideal scenario for Jane, who needs to enjoy her freedom and connect with people other than Joe to feel fulfilled), or he stays home by himself (which he does not enjoy he wants to be with Jane). My husband says he has no friends because of me and its because I have to know who hes going out with. Force him to attend and watch him crawl out of his skin with boredom and stress 4. I am a divorced man who hates going out and cant stand dating. He should understand that. Its completely different. I want to come home late at night, pay the babysitter and have great sex. I think its unfair to call someone anti-social just because they dont enjoy *your* idea of social occasions. It may be that the way you and your husband communicate is contributing to the problem. It can also become mental abuse, such as when it gets generalized into some form of "no one likes you" (See the next real-life quote below for an example). If his attitude doesn't change, you'll know where he stands and that there is no happy future here. 5 Reasons Your Husband Doesn't Listen To You. You apparently dont know the difference between the two. For Hope, the reckoning that her spouse didn't feel the same way about her anymore came from the fact that she felt like she didn't know him anymore. Another piece of advice. I was also 15 years younger with more time and energy. Those feelings really need to be communicated in the relationship. A woman I still love left me almost three years ago and I still havent recovered. When people would ask me where she was, I would say she is at home watching tv. It is not because we are depressed, have low self-esteem or are just unhappy, although those things may also be true. Don't put up with them. Relationships with people who are truly antisocial are extremely abusive, and those who are truly antisocial do not possess the ability to truly love another person. It was boring, and I didnt see the point of socializing with my wife if shed only spend less than a minute with me all night anyway. I wont deal with it. A night out means a hangover. If they consider that rude and unfriendly thats fine with me. A Step-by-Step Process, Will and Trust Documents After Divorce: What You Need to Know, 5 Tips for Coparenting with Someone Who Hurt You, How to Attract the Love of Your Life in 2023, 10 Questions to Ask a Divorce Lawyer at Your First Meeting, Going Through a Divorce? The man needs to compromise. Want to read articles about divorce & dating? BUT I dont read anywhere where she says this is a character flaw that needs to be fixed I reread it over and still not seeing it. He spends less time at home. He has actually said that I have a problem for wanting him to go and I should see a counsellor. Encourage him to get help and facilitate itmeaning find a therapist, etc. Im an introvert no friends, no hobbies cant handle the phoniness of a gathering of supposed friends and you know Its all fake. I dont even use social media. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning, We want different things. You cannot change people. I spent hundreds at Kroger and she acts like a 2 year old when she wants to go eat out. If you havent read it, I highly recommend Susan Cains book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Cant Stop Talking for an insight into what it means to be introverted (she has an entire chapter on how to deal with the issues that arise when an introvert is in a relationship with an extrovert). Wrong with not enjoying small talk and drinking and dancing French restaurant in every marriage or relationship, there trade-offs! 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