They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. He owns nothing in the world and has enormous debt. There is much turbulence in my life now because of this. The answer to that question is EVERYTHING! These exes that the narcissist connects with because theyre still under the narcissists spell. She felt the same. But lets say he calls or texts, then what? I cut him off at least 4 times the first 3 years I tried to be friends. He had a steady and other liasons. I finally get a text i am with kristen now she is loyal i dont need you your full of drama if you text me again i will get you for phone harrassment i will call the cops . We must find a way to give it to ourselves. Till this day I do not have prove that this is his way of getting me to contact him, but I have seen a pattern. So true,although I am still not sure whether mine is a narc or BHD,I am still in love with the fantasy and now reality has hit home.He has pushed me around and even made me get out of the car and walk home,miserable and depressed most of the time ans says the most demeaning cruel thing,he now want us to be just friends and have solo holidays,it goes on and on continual devaluation and yet I am still hooked,like a drug addiction!!! Anyway I finally decided to see if this connection was for real (yes I know internet trolls exist, so I expedited meeting him), and before deciding to share any more information to a guy I had never met. I wouldnt say he destroyed my faith in love, but he definitely shook it and Im even a more guarded gay man now (as if so many of us arent guarded and insecure enough). Theyll disappear for a couple of weeks and then pop up out of the blue and start trying to woo the ex. We both need to move on. Be genuinely loving. He began making friends unknown to me and did not include me on outings. Rodman, I soon could not make it and my (ex) boyfriend paid for our rentone night as I was seeing him often in the week ends he freaked out ( I felt he could physically hurt me anytime) at me for saying no to sex, and sometimes when we were intimate he would hurt me, i would cry but he did not show any empathy.and since then i felt that I was dating a time bomb (his ex wife even wrote a letter about how traumatic one of their fight was, and the end of their marriage which was according to her names calling etc etc.) So NC is the only way for me, or I end up mourning and missing him..and frankly after the things hes said and done he doesnt deserve access to me. When questioned he would get angry and evasive. But now youre gone, the narcissist misses the ability to control you. He told the police that he is done whatever that means. Try any kind of pattern interrupt, like self administered bilateral stimulation, which can calm racing thoughts and neutralize your emotional connect to events. The best way to get rid of a Narc once and for all is no contact. In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. Thanks for this insightful input, Healing . I block her out and I try to move on. I spent many days and nights feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown, dying inside over that man. Keep learning about this disorder and you will finally see the puzzle come together. Something told me to start taking pictures of my bruises because no one would ever believe he would do something like this so thats what I did. I am sane enough to get away from him and no longer put up with his narcissistic, messed up personality. That comment really rubs me the wrong way. I was sleeping there for two nights. -Alienation from family and/or friends Now, I dont know if that unhappy look was due to the way I lookedlike he might have been thinking..damn! LOL! Creepy or what! He deserves a happy, whole mom who can take care of him. Materially having accepted this offer makes no difference to me I will not see or have to talk with this person what it will change is the dynamic of limited contact when I go to the hills it fly my glider it is in this space I have hope, RIght now it all feels very strange the group of people who acted out or facilitated the abuse as I see it are. He said that even though he stays there, he sleeps on her couch and its a place to stay. It will only be a matter of time before he does this again. He accepts my terms which areno triangulation with his new paramours, no lying, no declarations of love and no meeting in person. Sadly, it often works. This statement shows the true colors of a narcnot whether or not they are guilty of what you accuse them of as they will never have a real discussion about thatbut now they are the victims of you unfairly saying they are abusive and tarnishing their fake reputation. Now he refuses to move out and keep professing to take his stuff out. A few months later I stumbled upon narcissism online, and all the behavior fell into place. When it comes to severing ties with him. Yeah, just going to reiterate the splendid answers your received, and add my own flavour: I was involved as a lover and friend of a BPD for 8 years. I am feeling embarrassed because my narc hoovered me today and it worked. I told her it is what it is He also had another EX GF that he continued to flirt with. 4. Anyhow, Im glad both of you men are posting here. He will be back Jan, true narcs always come back. Totally cut her off..dropped her like a hot potato. Things were moving way too fast and that was mainly my fault. He fell in love with her in a month or so, just like he did with the past woman and his first marriage and when it happened with me. Good bye Danny, [] They are control freaks. No Warning, No Reasoning, No Closure, No Contact It depends on how long you two have been together. when narcissist has canceririna emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by They might say something like, I hated the way my ex dressed, they never made an effort for me. I knew I loved this person and I felt deep in my heart his sadness and loneliness (so was my understanding.) They get satisfaction from watching us suffer. I keep trying to justify his behavior. I just got an email last week after 7 years. Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. I was upset and I confronted him. One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. He is over committef financially, yet says him and the new girl are thinking of renting a house together. I had left my narc on a not good note. Yet, at least both parties generally have an agreed-upon narrative about what happened. I was extremely cautious and he knew it. I dont know if you are one of them who can be treated, but perhaps you are. Its hard to resist, I know, when they start acting the romantic, but its important to remember its just an act. I just wish it was easier for me to understand her intentions. I did..and regretted it of course. excessive use of exclamation points Narcs receive supply from being loving towards them and also arguing with them. Stay strong and dont disrespect your own integrity by acting like his friend for his egos sake! I went from the frying pan to the fire!! However 18 months in we get to the facts that no matter how infatuated with her I was. Do narc do stuff like this, get you ready for their return by leaving clues like that? He plays chess with people. In personal relationships o began to recognize and see these traits, and slowly over some time, I gained enough experience and insight to walk away before they wove webs. Now i have to start all over again:-(. Recovery from this type of abuse literally takes a villageas well as dedication and consistency. And not fair to myself. Should I be concerned for my safety? I will NEVER give him the opportunity to jam me up again by his manipulative lies. She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. It lasted a week and I kicked him out. So be careful. i knew that but this.. and just now? Yes loyalty is NOT their strong suit thats for sure. That last part may not be healthy, but thats where I am now. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. But i wont bite the apple again. He said it was work related. So, you know better about your situation. Does It Not Cause You Pain? In hindsight there were so many odd things about his behavior and how he described his life (practically no interest in anything about my real life), but I also like eccentric, shy people and a bit of a dark side. It allows me to have the power to NOT RESPOND to my ex after more then a year who has been texting and calling for the past few weeks. I think he will probably try again with you and when hes certain youre done he will try to make u miserable..by being difficult with the kids and whatever he can do to push your buttons. Keep preaching it my friend!!! I am so angry with him but dissapointed in myself! I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. Saying they had to end it because they were a victim of your ways and not the other way around. My ex used to brag about how well he and his ex got along. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. You are his trophy, you are perfect (at least at the beginning) and all the focus should be on him anyways. There was never any financial links/obligations between us. He sounds like he could be a Narc however, now that Ive been in a relationship with one, I sometimes feel a little paranoid when I meet a new guy. That brokenness that we originally recognized is still there and it is just not fixable by mankind. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! When we met, he expected me to go (I declined) and expressed my concern that he wanted to go without me. This is not to advocate this approach as the only valuable one. How controlled I was. Deep down, they are hurting souls and not the cruel calculating individuals theyre perceived to be. Ultimately, he divorced me saying that he could not be with anyone who saw him as his abuser. The presumably psycho female property manager of condominium got the Condo RO for me for INTIMIDATING threatening, interrogating HUGE MEN, such as plumbers, security etc, groups of them!! I keep seeking closure or caring that I know will never come. You can check out my healing tools here on the site for starters. You are in debt for everything nice he does for you. He gets no prize for that but it is a difference Ive noticed. Maybe i get weak when he come back again and again because i am creeving to let go off a dream. Cuz I'm with someone else or i can reverse hoover him or manipulate him to hoover me back. They broke up a week before the contact but he was still pretending they were together, sick really!! Peace I wish you luck. Then yesterday, I ran into her coming back from the park and chatted. Reading Suggestion: Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves? The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. They are charmers, so so charming, we love them to bits, but they are so miserable inside. Interesting. Hi Kim, after my relationship with one, I did quite a bit of reading and learned a lot about them. He denied it for 9 months trying to convince me I was crazy. yours may be BPD, but then its the psychopathicsorry the worst psycho. If you get suspicious, they may cut off that contact again, at least temporarily. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. Its been a week since our last horrific conversation but I am certain that I will hold onto no contact this time. I said well if your going to kill me, then do it. He cant be a friend and you know this. So pretty sure this last year has been my growing beyond his crap year, so I could be strong enough to leave him in my dust. That answer depends on the type of person you are. However, this is where I am and I accept that I arrived here on my own two feet. Cheers! Cause I relised his nana health situation was often used as excuse yes cheating. . Even after he blew up and sent me 20 emails in a 10 hour period over the summer blasting my character and career failures, threatening me, he STILL had the gall to behave self righteously when I asked for no contact. You are doing great service work in this area and you should be proud of how many people you help and inspire every day. Narcissists seem to change the rules on any given day based on how they interact with peopleonly they dont give you all of the information. These can include: 1. Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. In hindsight, its really quite juvenile, isnt it? Your N will always be an empty soul. I found that in the beginning it was intensely romantic, joyful, fun (i.e. She still denied being with him on the weekends she disappeared but I couldnt take anymore and ended it. Im still on the roller coaster of emotion but at least i know the ride has to end eventually. [] N will come back again and againafter initiating their silent treatment until you just cut them off. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. I must commend you on your understanding of this personality type. Just think of it yourself. I hit the bottom a few months back and have been at the Choice Point for some time. Also, how can you move in with someone you have not had sex with? Some days i feel better and laughing again. Pray to Jesus Carole. And even though I now know why, I still do. If not they should not be snooping Do you see what I mean? When it comes to sexual things we were on the same page. 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